


Hang the Stars in my Sky

by pouty_hoseok



Series: Royals [9]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Acephobia, Alpha Choi Soobin, Alpha Jeon Jungkook, Alpha Kang Taehyun, Alpha Kim Namjoon | RM, Alpha Park Jimin (BTS), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Asexual Huening Kai, Asexual Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Asexual Relationship, Babies, Best Friends Choi Soobin & Huening Kai, Beta Huening Kai, Beta/Omega, Blushing, Boats and Ships, Boys Kissing, Break Up, Crying, Cute, Cute Huening Kai, Cute Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Declarations Of Love, Domestic Fluff, Dragons, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Flowers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Grieving, Huening Kai-Centric, Implied Mpreg, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope is a Sweetheart, M/M, Magic, Major Character Injury, Meet-Cute, Mutual Pining, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Not Beta Read, Omega Choi Beomgyu, Omega Choi Yeonjun, Omega Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Omega Kim Seokjin | Jin, Omega Kim Taehyung | V, Omega Min Yoongi | Suga, Omega Verse, Pining, Prince Choi Soobin, Prince Choi Yeonjun, Prince Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Prince Kang Taehyun, Prince Kim Seokjin | Jin, Prince Kim Taehyung | V, Prince Min Yoongi | Suga, Sad Huening Kai, Sad Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Sad and Happy, School, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Hatred, Swords, Swords & Sorcery, Violence, idk if it's internalized
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26235460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pouty_hoseok/pseuds/pouty_hoseok
Summary: Hueningkai has always loved the stars. Hoseok seems to hang them in the sky for him. Maybe it's meant to be?
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Huening Kai/Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin
Series: Royals [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1732594
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	Hang the Stars in my Sky

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is! lol, sorry this took so long. I hope I can get Joon's short out soon, so byes! <3

Hueningkai’s life changes drastically when he’s four years old. His parents split up and he and his sisters are then sent to an orphanage. 

It’s difficult there. Lea is six, Hueningkai is four, and Bahiyih is two. Clearly, they’re not cut out for being on their own. 

A few years after they get to the orphanage, Namjoon’s mother, Kim A-Yeong, finds the three children. She’s already struggling with sending her son and daughter to school, so she ends up watching them at the orphanage. Bahiyih latches onto the woman because, at four years old, the only maternal figure she’s ever had is Lea. And Lea is only eight, far too young to replace any sort of parent for her two younger siblings. So the affection she held for A-Yeong only makes sense. Hueningkai, on the other hand, was a shy little boy who was quite averse to the idea of welcoming someone new into their little, slightly broken family. 

However, even Hueningkai is desperate for an adult to focus on him instead of one of the caretakers who simply look around to make sure all of the children are alive and well. 

The day they’re officially taken in by A-Yeong, Lea cries. Hueningkai and Bahiyih do not. They aren’t quite sure why their older sister is crying as she packs their bags and ushers them out with A-Yeong, but it’s a bit stressful, especially for little Bahiyih. 

“Unnie, Unnie,” Bahiyih whines as she tugs on Lea’s sleeve, “what’s wrong?” 

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Lea says, sniffling. She wipes her eyes. “Come on, guys, let’s go.” 

And so they do. 

The years spent with the Kims are pleasant. A-Yeong is, unfortunately, often unable to take care of the three children. Her son and daughter, Namjoon and Geong-Min, often babysit them. Namjoon is fourteen when they all first meet and Geong-Min is twelve. 

It’s Namjoon who first discovers the magic that rushes through Hueningkai’s veins. Or, well, Hueningkai finds out about it first but Namjoon is the first person who figures it out. Hueningkai supposes he should’ve seen it coming with how smart Namjoon is. Not many things go over his head. 

Hueningkai is seven when it happens. They’ve known each other for a year and Namjoon loosely resembles an older brother. He acts more like Hueningkai’s father, though. Even though he’s fifteen, he’s quick to take the boy under his wing. 

“What was that?” Namjoon says. Hueningkai squeaks as he shoves the little flower behind his back. 

“What was what?” he says. He blinks a few times to look cuter. 

Namjoon snorts and Hueningkai feels the sparks fizzling in his hands. One of them flies over his head and lands between his feet. Both he and Namjoon look down at it and the little sizzling spot on the ground. Hueningkai smashes it under his foot and tries not to make any noise when it burns him. 

“Huening?” Namjoon says, frowning and raising an eyebrow. 

“Nothing!” Hueningkai says. There’s a flowering branch beginning to crawl toward Namjoon’s ankle. Hueningkai glares at it and tries to make it shrivel up and go somewhere else, but the plant is persistent. 

“Hyung!” Hueningkai cries as the vine wraps around Namjoon’s ankle and tugs. He holds his hands out and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to imagine the vine disappearing. 

It does, but not in the way Hueningkaia wanted. His hand quivers and he feels the exhaustion coming in as the plant begins to drag Namjoon away. Hueningkai stumbles in place and sinks his teeth into his lower lip. Blood fills his mouth as he tries to focus on the branch, though it’s not  _ doing _ anything. 

Thankfully, Namjoon whips out a knife and cuts himself free. Hueningkai faints. 

He wakes up and Namjoon is sitting over him, frowning worriedly. Hueningkai sits up and blinks a couple of times, still a bit disoriented. He can see his sisters and Geong-Min too. 

“What happened?” he says, trying to play coy. Namjoon, for some reason, doesn’t call him out as he makes up a very believable excuse. Hueningkai adds his input when he’s asked, though he and Namjoon silently agree it’s best if he stays quiet. 

After that finishes, Lea helps Geong-Min with dinner since Namjoon is a hazard in the kitchen. The evening is just like any other and the magic isn’t brought up until a few years later. Hueningkai’s trying to control it as best as he can but it’s getting worse, growing quickly and desperate to be freed. 

Jimin comes like the weirdest sort of angel in the entire world. The magic that pulses under his skin isn’t nearly as powerful as Hueningkai’s, but he at least knows how to control his. 

“Woah, Hyung,” Jimin says when he first meets Hueningkai. He stumbles a bit and rests his hand on his forehead. Hueningkai knows he’s joking around. The glimmer of mischief in Jimin’s eyes only further confirms it. “He’s  _ soo _ powerful.” 

Namjoon shifts uncomfortably and Hueningkai narrows his eyes. He spreads his arms and a large dragon avatar leans over him, staring at Jimin. 

Jimin yelps and stumbles away, hiding behind Namjoon. And then, little seven-year-old Hueningkai passes out. 

The time Hueningkai gets to spend with Jimin is cut short when Namjoon decides to send him and his sisters back to Ifan to go to boarding school. Hueningkai decides he hates it the moment he sets foot on the Ifanian coast. He makes very few friends (it might be because of his refusal to be social, Hueningkai would rather be alone than sit with anyone he doesn’t like). 

Namjoon’s letters to him usually talk about how he has to hold on for just a bit longer. Hueningkai, very angrily, will write back about how he said that last time. 

They return when Hueningkai is ten. On that boat, Hueningkai meets Soobin, his best-friend-to-be. It’s nice to have a boy close to his age, one who’s been raised thinking he’s going to be a Beta. Soobin is kind and he cares for Hueningkai like an older brother. Then again, Hueningkai has plenty of those. There’s Jeongguk, Jimin, and now Soobin. Plus, of course, his older sister, Lea, and Namjoon’s sister, Geong-Min. Hueningkai’s family isn’t traditional, but it’s nice. Hueningkai likes it. 

As the years pass and the rebellion starts, Hueningkai grows anxious. He hears people talking about the pretty Omegas they’re interested in, the ones that make them think things that are better kept private. He’s convinced there’s something wrong with him. He doesn’t do that, not at all. Not once has he found himself to think that way about a person. It doesn’t make sense. 

He tells a fellow classmate the little tidbit of information. Hueningkai can’t be homeschooled forever and Lea urges them to go to school. At fifteen, Hueningkai is tall and unsure of his limbs that feel far too big for him. He’s quiet and he prefers to stay in the back of the classroom. It’s easier to control his anxiety when he does and, when it’s easier to control his anxiety, it’s easier to control his powers. They act up whenever his emotions begin to get out of hand. 

So maybe that’s how it happens. Honestly, Hueningkai only told Hyunwoo he didn’t feel . . . that way about people because he thought he’d know. 

What he gets is much worse. 

“You should go see a doctor,” Hyunwoo says immediately. Hueningkai winces a bit and stares at his lap as he hunches his shoulders. “I mean, even though you’re just a Beta, I still think there’s something wrong with you. People aren’t like that. Like, don’t you remember science class? People are technically only here to make sure we reproduce, so what’s up with you?” 

_ What is up with me? _ Hueningkai thinks. He picks at a bit of skin on his thumb. When he tugs on it, it stings. 

“So . . . it’s not normal?” he says softly. 

Hyunwoo shakes his head.

“Oh, no, of course not. How could it be? I’d tell - I mean, you should definitely see a doctor. There’s definitely something wrong with you.”

Hueningkai wants Hyunwoo to shut up. 

“-and, like, you’re probably sick. What if they send you to some weird place to get better? Hey, you know who you should ask? Jungah, you should ask her. She’d probably have sex with you. I think I heard that-”

Hueningkai doesn’t punch him, but he feels the magic bubble up beneath his skin before hurtling out and sending Hyunwoo off of the bench. The boy cries out but Hueningkai is seething as he clenches his fists and pants, trying desperately to calm himself down. 

_ Come on, come on, come on, _ he thinks to himself. Hyunwoo is clutching his face as blood drips from his nose.  _ Wake up, wake up! _

He’s sent home early. Jimin comes to pick him up. 

“You ready?” he says. Hueningkai looks up and nods. Jimin beckons at him to follow and he places a steady hand on the small of Hueningkai’s back as they walk. He’s thankful the Alpha can sense that Hueningkai doesn’t want to talk. 

They head home and Hueningkai goes to his room and locks the door. He stares at his hands and watches as they shake, bits of purple light beginning to push through his skin. Hueningkai clutches his head and sinks to the ground, curling up as he begins to cry silently in his room. 

They find out that he broke Hyunwoo’s nose and that Hueningkai has been expelled. Which is fine. Hueningkai couldn’t care less. He thinks school is dumb and he’s always preferred the idea of a tutor. 

~

Hueningkai grows older and watches as things shift and change. His powers grow harder to control and he simply shoves them away from the world, praying that they’ll stay away from the spotlight. 

He loses control when Lea tells him she and Bahiyih are leaving. They invite him to come but Hueningkai  _ can’t _ . Not when his entire life rests on the back of the rebellion. At least there’s a chance of him having some sort of chance at a life he enjoys. If he goes to Ifan, he’ll be forced into the military. 

“It’s safer, though,” Lea hisses. Hueningkai shakes his head and tries as hard as he can to keep from crying. His sister stares at him. 

“I can’t,” he says, though he refuses to tell her why. “I just - I  _ can’t _ . It’s too dangerous for me, too dangerous for you! What about when you’re sent to the military? Huh?” 

“We wouldn’t even be registered citizens!” 

“That makes it worse!” Hueningkai argues. “What if someone finds out? What if you get hurt? Stay here, Noona, please.” 

“No,” Lea says. She sighs and runs a hand through her hair, shaking her head. “Huening, I don’t want to argue with you. Come with us. It’s - we should - it’s better if we’re all together, isn’t it?” 

“Noona, they’re going to kill me if they find out what I can do,” he says. “You’ve heard from Jimin-Hyung, haven’t you? Don’t you know what they do to people like me?” 

“We can keep it a secret!” Lea says. She grabs Hueningkai’s hand. “Please, come with us. I’m begging you.” 

“I can’t, I really can’t, you don’t understand,” Hueningkai says. He wipes his eyes furiously with the heels of his hands. “You don’t understand that I can’t live there in a life like that. You don’t understand so stop acting like you do!” 

“What don’t I understand?” Lea says. “Huening-”

“I’m not going,” Hueningkai says. He looks away from his sister and prays Bahiyih still hasn’t woken up even though he knows it’s impossible for her to still be sleeping. “You can either stay with me or go. It’s up to you.” 

Needless to say, Hueningkai’s sisters leave him. Which is fine, he’s fine, it’s their choice. He knows it’s better for both of them. They’re both young, female Alphas with lots of potential in whatever field of career they might choose. 

However, that doesn’t make it any harder. Not to mention the growing question of his asexuality (he’d read it on a scroll a little while ago). Soobin knows but he never brings it up and for that Hueningkai is thankful. He just wants to ignore it for as long as possible to see if he’ll one day wake up ‘normal’.

(Hueningkai knows, though, that such a thing is impossible. He’s never going to get rid of it. It’ll follow him around for all eternity and Hueningkai will never be free from it. He’s cursed.)

The years rush by Hueningkai and he watches as his friends grow and flourish and find people they love. Namjoon finds Seokjin and Soobin’s had it for Yeonjun since before he and Hueningkai even met. Beomgyu and Taehyun are the typical childhood sweethearts with a twist, but they’re happy with each other. And then, Jimin and Yoongi come back. Hueningkai takes Jimin into his tent and tries his damn best to heal the man because he has so much to live for and it isn’t fair if he dies. 

(Distantly, in the back of his head, Hueningkai wonders if he’ll ever find someone who would be willing to wait for him to feel any sort of sexual attraction to them. He doubts it. He’s heard so much about sex being an integral part of a relationship, something you give to someone sooner or later. And Hueningkai isn’t sure if he’d ever want to give that to someone. Hell, he’s not sure if he even likes  _ girls _ , something that makes it even worse. He’s never seen a Beta dating an Omega or another male Beta or an Alpha. That’s just not how it works, right?)

Seokjin, at least, begins to give him better magic training. At first, Hueningkai skirts around the man as best as he can, though his impressive height makes it a bit hard for him to hide. 

But, eventually, Hueningkai does open up to Seokjin. It takes plenty of prying on the older male’s part, but it happens. And, soon enough, Hueningkai begins to learn how to control his powers. Seokjin is kind to him and he cares about him, reminding Hueningkai a bit of his older sister. 

Speaking of which, they’ve started talking more often. Of course, every message sent from Ilsan to Ifan is a risk. But Hueningkai and his sisters are careful. And things work well, the way they’re supposed to. 

For once, Hueningkai feels like he’s in control of his life. He’s with the people he loves and cares about and everything’s going fine. 

[ _ Like I’m Gonna Lose You _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DC8FsIdVi9Y)

Hoseok, however, comes in and sends Hueningkai wheeling. Both figuratively and literally. 

“Oh my gods, are you okay?” a voice cries as Hueningkai rubs his head. He looks up and his eyes widen. 

“Oh, uh, yeah! Just fine! Spot on!” he says. He curses under his breath as he begins gathering up the scrolls he dropped, praying that the prince will go and lose interest because this is just humiliating. 

“Here,” a soft voice says and Hueningkai looks up, locking eyes with the third youngest of the four imperial princes. 

His tongue is heavy in his mouth and his heart pounds loudly against his ribs as he swallows hard and takes the scroll. 

“Um, thank you,” he says shyly as he takes the scroll. Hoseok smiles at him and helps him to his feet. 

“I’m, uh, Hoseok,” he says, holding his hand out. Hueningkai looks at it and then the scrolls in his arms, Hoseok following before laughing nervously. “Ah, sorry. I-”

“No, no, no, it’s fine!” Hueningkai says. He sends a bit of his focus into holding the scrolls for him while he shakes Hoseok’s hand. “I’m - my name is Kai. Uh, Kai Kamal Huening, not that you needed to know that, but you can call me Hueningkai. Or Huening. It’s less of a mouthful and all, you know? Some of my friends call me Ning or Ningning, but-”

“Does anyone call you Kai?” Hoseok says. 

Hueningkai laughs awkwardly. 

“Not that I know of?” 

Hoseok stares at him for a bit before he throws his head back and laughs. The sound is gorgeous and loud and Hueningkai feels his heart flutter. Hoseok’s eyes turn into crescents as his curls bounce with the shaking of his shoulders. 

“You’re funny,” he says. He grins and Hueningkai tries not to have a bloody nose from how beautiful he is. “I think we’re gonna be good friends.” 

For a few long seconds, Hueningkai is rendered speechless. Hoseok, probably embarrassed, looks down and moves around Hueningkai. 

“Hoseok-ssi!” 

Hoseok turns around, a smile quirking at the edges of his lips. Hueningkai swallows. 

“Me too!” 

The smile turns into a heart-shaped grin that steals Hueningkai’s heart from him as Hoseok walks off, waving cutely over his shoulder. Hueningkai sighs as he sits down, his head in his hands. 

“Gods, I’m such an idiot.” 

Hoseok keeps Hueningkai on his toes. He pulls the boy into his lap at dinner and Hueningkai feels his cheeks burn red as they talk. He glares at Taehyun when the other boy snickers, trying his hardest to seem intimidating while he sits on Hoseok’s lap and tries not to explode. 

When everyone’s gone, Hueningkai goes quietly to his room. Hoseok follows him up the stairs but they part ways when their separate bedrooms appear. 

He’s woken up in the middle of the night when someone quietly sneaks into his room. 

“What is it?” he mumbles, blinking sleepily. 

“Can I sleep with you?” Hoseok says softly. Hueningkai sits up and rubs his eyes, lighting his thumb on fire to see. Hoseok is standing in the doorway with a pillow clutched to his chest, his eyes on the ground. Hueningkai feels his throat close up as he nods and scoots over. His bed is a bit small, but he hopes it can fit both of them. 

“Here, Hyung,” he says, patting the now-empty space. Hoseok shuffles over and lies down beside him while Hueningkai blows the fire out and gets back in bed. 

“Can . . . can we cuddle?” 

Hueningkai feels his cheeks heat up as he hums. He feels arms gently wrapping around him and tugging him close so Hoseok’s breath ghosts over the skin of his neck. 

“Thanks,” he whispers. Hueningkai swallows hard and nods. 

“No problem,” he says. Hoseok tugs him closser so they fit better in Hueningkai’s bed and he sighs softly. Hueningkai closes his eyes and listens as Hoseok’s breathing slowly evens out as he falls asleep. It isn’t long before he joins him. 

Beomgyu’s stomach gets rounder the longer he’s pregnant while they take a break from war stuff. It’s a relief, really, for Hueningkai. It’s freeing to focus on things most seventeen-year-olds focus on. 

Like having a crush on someone for instance. Hoseok stays with Hueningkai, Seokjin, and Namjoon, so they’re often rather close. Hoseok will have nightmares and he usually goes to Seokjin and Namjoon but, sometimes, he’ll quietly climb into bed beside Hueningkai. That is, if Hueningkai hasn’t gotten into bed with him before. His Hyungs tease him for it and Hueningkai knows it’s a bit embarrassing how quickly he’s gotten his crush. 

But, to be honest, he wouldn’t have it any other way. Hoseok is likeable and kind and smart and funny and he’s so very sweet. He talks to Hueningkai when no one else will and he seeks him out. Hoseok is absolutely enamored with the flowers in Namjoon’s greenhouse and he’ll rush to Hueningkai to show him one he’s found. 

The crush does not help Hueningkai’s sexuality crisis at all. Hoseok at least takes plenty of his thoughts so he can usually block them out. But it’s difficult to stop once he starts. He worries about being able to be a good boyfriend or if he’ll scare Hoseok away or something. People like him - if there are any, though Hueningkai has never heard of such a thing in his entire life other than in plants - are mistakes.  _ Hueningkai _ is a mistake, a genetic defect. That has to be it, right? What else?

The second person he ever tells is Beomgyu. 

“Beomgyu-Hyung?” he says softly. Beomgyu hums, turning around and rubbing his swollen stomach. 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I . . . can we talk?” 

“Of course,” Beomgyu says. He slowly shifts about until he’s moved over. Then, he stops and rubs his stomach again and pats the space beside him. “Come and sit down.”

Hueningkai shuffles over, plopping down with a small distance between them. Beomgyu definitely notices, but he doesn’t say anything. 

“I’m . . . what would you say . . . what would you say if I told you I was sick?” Hueningkai says as he picks at his fingers. 

Beomgyu doesn’t move closer as he folds his hands in his lap and shrugs. 

“I would try and help in a way you saw fit,” he says carefully. “Though, I suppose it depends on what type of ‘sick’ you are.” 

Hueningkai frowns and looks up. Beomgyu stares at him, unblinking. 

“Hyung, I’m - I’m-”

_ Say it! Just tell him! Say it already! He’ll know, won’t he? Say- _

“I’m asexual,” Hueningkai breathes. 

The words hang heavily in the air and Hueningkai bites down so harshly on his lip that he draws blood. The liquid fills his mouth as he sucks the injured bit of skin into his mouth in hopes of soothing it. 

“Oh,” Beomgyu finally says. He frowns and furrows his brow. “Huening-ah, you’re not sick.” 

Hueningkai shuts his eyes tight and tries not to cry. 

“What is - what’s wrong with me then?” he says. 

Beomgyu scoots over though he refrains from touching the boy. 

“Nothing,” he says. He shrugs. “Not everything they tell you in school is right. You’re not unhealthy because of it, are you?” 

Hueningkai shrugs. Is he? Well, the thought of it makes his stomach churn uncomfortably and he feels like he’s already fucked up by existing, but is he actually - does his sexuality affect his health?

_ No, _ a traitorous part of his mind whispers, something that just wants him to accept it. 

“But I can’t - how will I - Hyung, why am I like this? It doesn’t - why doesn’t it - what did I do to deserve this?” he begs. Beomgyu has to have the answers, right?

“It’s not a punishment,” Beomgyu says gently. “You never did anything wrong and this isn’t something that’s wrong. People are just different.” 

“But why was it me?” Hueningkai says, full-on sobbing now. He wipes furiously at his eyes even though he knows it won’t do him any good because the tears just keep pouring. “Why - what did I do? Why can’t I be normal?” 

“Huening-ah,” Beomgyu says firmly as he places a hand on his wrist, “look at me.” 

Hueningkai sniffles and wipes his nose before he looks up. Beomgyu shifts in place as he smiles softly. 

“There isn’t - there is no such thing as ‘normal’,” he says, “because everyone is different. My ‘normal’ is waking up besided Taehyun. Your ‘normal’ is waking up either alone or with Hoseok-Hyung. For me, my body completely rearranging its entire structure is normal. For you, creating things out of thin air is normal. It shifts and changes based on perspective. ‘Normal’ is relative. And you - your sexuality doesn’t make you who you are. You’re a kind, funny, silly, annoying, goofy kid. Being asexual isn’t going to change that.”

Hueningkai sniffles and nods weakly. Beomgyu squeezes his arm. 

“Do you want a hug?” he says gently. 

Hueningkai wipes his nose and nods. Beomgyu scoots over until he can wrap his arms around Huenigkai. The taller boy leans into the embrace, squishing his hands between his thighs as tears roll continuously down his cheeks. 

He tries to cover it up as best as he can even after the little talk with Beomgyu. He and Hoseok get closer and the words begin to bubble up. They’re always teeming at the edges of his lips whenever he and Hoseok are together, their hands slowly getting closer. 

There are nights when he’s disgusted with himself. The reason behind it varies, from his asexuality to the fact that he’s continuing to hide such a big secret from Hoseok, someone he’s romantically interested in. 

_ You can’t even love yourself, _ the voice in the back of his head snarls as Hoseok sleeps nearby, his head and hand resting on Hueningkai’s chest,  _ so how could you ever expect yourself to do that for him? _

Hueningkai chews on his lower lip and sighs. He really doesn’t-

“What is it?” 

He looks down at Hoseok. The Omega’s eyes, even when cloaked in darkness, sparkle as he looks worriedly at Hueningkai. He reaches out and brushes a curl away from his face, blinking a few times. 

“Nothing,” Hueningkai lies.

Hoseok stares at him. It’s clear he doesn’t believe him. He sits up on his arms and stares down at the boy. 

“Hueningie,” he says, his voice soft, “you know you can tell me anything, don’t you? I mean - we’re not-”

“It’s nothing,” Hueningkai says again, adamant on looking anywhere that isn’t Hoseok’s eyes. He knows that he’ll crack and crumble the moment he does. 

“Huening,” he says and Hueningkai still can’t look at him because his chest is closing up like something’s got its hand around his lungs and is slowly squeezing the air out as he gasps and begs for release. 

“I have to go,” Hueningkai says. He gently nudges Hoseok off of him as he gets up and grabs a robe. Hoseok sits up. 

“Huening-”

“Good night, Hyung. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Kai, wait.”

Hueningkai ignores him, shaking his head and gently shutting the door behind him as he fast-walks out of the room. His heart begs and pleads for him to return to Hoseok but it’s too painful. 

He ends up going out and taking a walk to the arena. Well, it’s not exactly an arena because there isn’t ever any fighting taking place inside of it. It’s more of a practice building. 

The moment he sets foot inside and the doors close behind him, the lights flicker on. Hueningkai looks around before sighing and sitting on the ground. He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back as he breathes carefully, the silence of the room filling his mind. He counts each breath carefully, gently drumming his nails on the ground. 

He doesn’t notice the magic swirling around him until he opens his eyes. Purple light gently flows around the room, gentle and peaceful. Hueningkai watches it curiously with a bit of wariness as it floats around, not doing anything. 

Slowly, it begins to create things. Animals are formed and they wander around, curious. Hueningkai watches them, shifting around a bit to follow their movements. 

He stays there for hours and hours on end, creating more of the animals with his magic to avoid feeling any sort of shame. He doesn’t want to think about how he walked out on Hoseok like that. It makes his stomach tie itself into knots and his chest gets that weird feeling of a hand closing around his lungs, slowly squeezing the air out. 

_ But gods, I’m such an asshole, _ he thinks. He sighs and lies on the ground, staring up at the ceiling.  _ I can’t believe I pulled something like that. He was only trying to help. _

Hueningkai sighs and looks to the side. He hates this, hates how stupid he is and how he lets all of these stupid and irrational fears rule him and tell him what to do. He’s so stupid. 

He and Hoseok don’t talk about it. Hueningkai thinks it’s preferable, but a part of him wishes they did. It makes his skin crawl whenever Hoseok sends a worried look in his direction, his eyes soft and gentle. Hueningkai can’t bear to ever hold his gaze. He doesn’t have any reason to.

“Huening-ah,” Hoseok says, cornering him in the hall, “what’s wrong?” 

Hueningkai looks away. 

“Nothing,” he says. 

Hoseok’s arms fall to his sides as he makes himself even smaller. Hueningkai’s eyes dart to him then back to the floor. There’s a loud sniffle and, through the corner of his eye, Hueningkai can see Hoseok hugging himself while he trains his own eyes on the floor. 

“Ningning,” he whispers, “what did I do?”

Hueningkai won’t look at him, he  _ can’t _ look at him because it isn’t fair in the slightest if he starts a relationship with Hoseok and can’t make him as happy as someone else like an Alpha could. Hoseok deserves the best and Hueningkai . . . isn’t that. 

“Nothing,” he says. It’s probably one of the first times he hasn’t lied to Hoseok in the past few days. 

Hoseok sniffles again and Hueningkai feels his stomach churning. He doesn’t deserve Hoseok, not at all. Hueningkai is selfish and weird and messed up and loud and obnoxious and annoying and someone Hoseok shouldn’t waste his time with. 

There’s a wet, sort of hollow laugh from Hoseok and Hueningkai realizes he said all of that out loud. 

_ Shit, _ he thinks. 

“Huening-ah,” Hoseok says softly, “I’m not - I don’t - I’m not wasting my time. I want - I li- I want us to be friends. I want . . . you’re a good person, Huening, and I want to be friends with you. And I want to help you.”

Hueningkai picks at his sleeves. 

“I’m - I know,” he mumbles. “I just-” he flounders, searching for something to say “-it’s nothing.” 

“Why is everything nothing?” Hoseok cries. He wipes his eyes. “Why, Huening? Why do you say everything is nothing? Are - what are you afraid of?” 

“Nothing!” Hueningkai says. He recoils when Hoseok stares at him, big brown eyes full of unshed tears. 

He sighs and his shoulders slump. 

“Fine,” he says. He wipes his eyes with the heel of his hand. “Fine, I guess. That - okay.” He sighs again and turns around, dragging his feet as he leaves. Hueningkai feels his heart sink as he watches. 

That night, he sleeps alone. His bedroom door remains open, a foolish hope blooming persistently in his chest as he eyes the hallway from his bed. It feels too big, too cold, and far too empty for just one person. 

He deserves this, doesn’t he though? He’s the one who keeps turning Hoseok away. Why should he wait so expectantly for Hoseok to come into his room to cuddle? It’s not like they’re dating or anything. It’s not like he hasn’t totally ruined whatever chances he had with him or anything. 

_ The sad fucking thing is that I actually did have a chance, _ he thinks as he rolls onto his side to glare at the wall. He sighs, his eyes darting over to the door. Hueningkai closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep, praying he can do so before Hoseok’s nightmares wake him up and send him down the hall. 

He does, fortunately, but that doesn’t do anything to help their situation. Hueningkai is thankful Hoseok can keep some sort of mask on to make it seem like they’re fine. He can sometimes join in, but he usually just changes the subject to avoid talking about it. 

They do end up glossing over the little hiccup. It’s easy to be friends with Hoseok, to talk and laugh with him like there’s nothing wrong with either of them. 

And, unfortunately, it is very, very easy to fall even deeper for him. His eyes crinkle and turn into happy little crescents when he smiles. His mouth forms a heart when he’s happy and he has a mole on his lip and his curls will bounce when he laughs while his shoulders shake. Hueningkai can’t always smell it, but Hoseok’s scent is warm and comforting. He can pick out the thick but gentle fragrance of butterfly bushes whenever they’re cuddling. Sometimes, Hoseok will get so close that Hueningkai can feel the warmth of his breath ghosting over his skin as he breathes, his fingers gently running over Hueningkai’s body. Hoseok will sometimes stroke up and down his arms to go to sleep, though it’s sort of become Hueningkai’s job. He doesn’t mind. 

However, he does mind the feelings that are rapidly bubbling up in his stomach. His confession teems at his lips whenever he and Hoseok are together, begging to be freed. 

So, eventually, he gathers up what little courage he has, buys a bouquet of purple butterfly bush flowers, and then he heads out to Hoseok’s room. 

“Hyung?” he says softly as he knocks on the door. 

It opens and Hoseok stands there, grinning brightly. His hair is pushed away from his face and his eyes are crinkling in the corners as they turn into cute crescent moons. 

“Hueningie!” he cries. Hueningkai feels his cheeks burn as he looks away and lifts the bouquet up, trying not to explode. 

“I - I like you, Hyung,” he mumbles. “Like, like like, you.” 

“Oh.”

Hueningkai feels even more blood rush to his face as he holds the flowers out. 

“Huening-ah, will you look at me?” 

He looks up and Hoseok smiles softly at him. Hueningkai’s heart thunders against his ribs as he stares at the other male, his mouth a little open and his eyes wide. The sunlight streams in through Hoseok’s window and bathes him in a golden light that makes him glow, his brown eyes shifting into a warmer, shinier, gold-brown while their normal chocolate color reveals bits gilt that float around. His breath catches in his throat as Hoseok gently takes the flowers and tucks a curl of hair behind his ear. 

“Thank you,” he says. He takes a few steps forward and looks down, fidgeting. 

“You like me back?” Hueningkai blurts before he can stop himself. Hoseok’s eyes dart up to him and, ever-so-shyly, he nods. 

And then, to confirm it, he stands up on his tiptoes and gently presses his lips against Hueningkai’s cheeks.

His heart soars and Hueningkai feels like he’s going to burst. Hoseok takes his hand and pulls him close, hugging him. 

“Can - can I kiss you, Hyung?” Hueningkai says meekly. 

Hoseok steps back and looks at him. In his eyes, countless emotions swim and Hueningkai’s head spins when he tries to name them all. 

“Are you sure you want a relationship with me, Huening?” he says softly. “I have - there are a lot of things you don’t - or - things you won’t - might not be comfortable with.”

_ If only you knew how messed up I am,  _ Hueningkai thinks as he brings a hand up to stroke Hoseok’s cheek. 

“I do,” he says. “I really, really like you, Hyung.” 

Hoseok hums, leaning into the touch and closing his eyes. When he opens them again, he looks up at Hueningkai through his eyelashes. 

“Okay,” he says. “But just this once. You’re young and I don’t - and we should wait. We should take things slow. Slowly.” 

It feels a bit like a subtle warning. But Hueningkai shoves it to the back of his head as he leans forward and tilts his head, his eyes beginning to close. Hoseok pushes himself up on his tiptoes and their lips finally press together. Hueningkai cups Hoseok’s face as they kiss, lips pressed together. 

Hoseok pulls away and his face is bright red. Hueningkai swallows hard and wipes his mouth, embarrassed. 

“That was - that was nice,” he says. He sees Hoseok nod. He looks dazed. 

“Do you - do you want to go and get a for the flowers - I mean, do you want to go get a vase for the flowers?” 

Hueningkai nods. He watches as Hoseok grabs the bouquet and then walks out, lacing their fingers together as they walk. 

It’s nice to sleep with Hoseok cuddling him. Of course, it’s no different from their usual. Hueningkai supposes that’s what romantic relationships are though. It’s like being with your best friend just with a few things changed, like kissing and being more affectionate in a romantic way. 

But it becomes apparent that there’s something wrong. Hoseok skirts around going any further than cheek kisses and cuddling. Hueningkai feels like an asshole whenever he dodges away from his kisses or tells him some other time. It makes his stomach churn and ugly thoughts will surface in his mind about things he’d rather not hear about. 

He asks Hoseok about it a few months or so after his confession. Beomgyu and Taehyun are with their kids and they’re alone in Hueningkai’s room. 

“You - I - I just-” Hoseok flounders, “I just - you’re so young and I don’t want to trap you in a relationship.” 

“Hyung, why would - Hyung, you aren’t ‘trapping’ me in a relationship,” Hueningkai says. “I genuinely want to be with you. I really do, I swear. You just - it just doesn’t - I’m - just because I’m young doesn’t mean you can’t date me. And look, if it doesn’t work then it doesn’t work. There’s nothing we can do about it.” 

Hoseok chews on his lower lip and looks away from Hueningkai. 

“Hueningkai,” he says, “I am eight years older than you. You’re eighteen and still underage.” 

“Then why did you agree to go out - to date me?” Hueningkai says. “Are you just - are you planning on waiting until I turn, what, twenty? Hyung, there are kids - Hyung, I’m legal! I’m eighteen, not sixteen!” 

Hoseok hugs himself and continues to stare at the floor. 

“I know,” he says. “I know but I just - I don’t want you to regret it. I really - as unlikely as it may seem, I really do care very deeply about you.” 

“Then  _ why _ ?” Hueningkai says. “Why would you - Hyung, if you’re so afraid of trapping me in a relationship then  _ why _ ?” 

“I don’t know!” Hoseok cries. “I don’t know anything except that I really want to be with you and I hate the thought of you eventually growing tired of me because of how much older I am and I don’t want to lose you even though it’s inevitable-”

“No, it’s not,” Hueningkai says. He moves closer to the other male and cups his face. “You - we - neither of us knows what’s going to happen. But trying - we deserve a shot, don’t we? Right?” 

Hoseok sniffles and nods. Hueningkai smiles gently at him. Hoseok tugs him forward and smashes their lips together. Hueningkai squeaks, surprised, but he melts easily into the kiss. Hoseok’s lips are soft against his own, pressing gently against Hueningkai’s lips. His hands find purchase on the older’s hips while Hoseok’s fingers tangle in his curls, holding tightly as if he’s afraid that Hueningkai will suddenly pull away and decide to end their relationship. 

_ I promise I’ll stay with you for as long as I possibly can, _ Hueningkai thinks, praying he can convey such thoughts through their kiss. Hoseok groans when Hueningkai swipes his tongue over his bottom lip, his mouth opening as he tilts his head for better access. A fang slices across the swell of Hueningkai’s own lips and he tastes blood as it mixes with their tongues while their teeth clack obnoxiously. 

They make out for a pretty decent amount of time. When they do finally manage to pull away from one another, their faces are flushed and both of them have lips bitten red from kissing. 

“Wow,” Hueningkai breathes. His eyes dart over to Hoseok and the Omega seems to turn impossibly redder as he looks away. 

“That - that was nice,” he says breathily. Hueningkai giggles,

“It was,” he agrees, nodding. “Maybe we can do it again?” he says hopefully, foolishly. 

Hoseok smiles weakly and nods. 

They don’t do it again. Hoseok insists that he still thinks Hueningkai isn’t ready for anything more than cuddling and cheek kisses. And Hueningkai, he understands where he’s coming from but . . . it hurts a bit. It doesn’t help, either, that Beomgyu’s twins have come and now they’re starting war discussions. Seokjin has begun to genuinely train him so he can control his magic without letting his emotions get in the way and so he can do it without using too much energy. 

His performances are worsened by the bubbling up anxieties that swirl in his stomach and head. Seokjin grows frustrated with it as well, asking him constantly why he isn’t getting it. 

He loses it that day on the boats. Hueningkai isn’t quite sure why he ignores the growing exhaustion that weighs down his every move and the black spots that cloud his vision, but, suddenly, he’s collapsing on the deck of the ship. 

He wakes up with Seokjin in his room. He can practically hear the man blaming himself and he voices this to Seokjin. 

“Why wouldn’t I blame myself?” Seokjin says after he cracks one eye open. “I should’ve watched you.” 

Hueningkai groans. 

“Oh my  _ gods, _ Hyung, listen to me,” he says, grabbing Seokjin’s sleeves. “You had pretty much no control whatsoever over the situation; how could it be your fault?”

Seokjin bites his lip and looks away. “I’m your teacher,” he says. “Before that, I’m your  _ Hyung _ . I’m an adult - I should know more, I should be more careful and aware.”

Hueningkai can’t withhold a second groan. 

“Jin-Hyung,” he says, “it’s no one’s fault. I overestimated myself, so, if it  _ was _ anyone’s fault, it’d be my own. So, please, for the sake of the gods,  _ stop blaming yourself _ . It doesn’t do anyone any good, especially not you or me.”

Seokjin sighs and runs a hand through his hair. It’s already pretty disheveled, most likely from being tugged at while Hueningkai was still unconscious. 

“There’s always something that could’ve been changed,” he says, though it sounds like he’s talking to himself. “I could’ve been more careful or forced you to listen to me or-”

“What’s the point of going over stuff like that?” Hueningkai interrupts. “Hyung, I know it’s hard, but you have to stop living in the past. And, before you say anything like denying it, think. You can’t fix the things that have already happened.”

Seokjin laughs, though it’s not a very happy sound. It’s more of a huff. 

“When did you become so philosophical?” he says, looking out the window. Hueningkai follows his stare and notices Namjoon and Hoseok walking toward the house. “I suppose it’s one of the things that comes with being practically raised by Namjoon, hm?”

Hueningkai shrugs. Namjoon, mostly after the rebellion really kicked off, wasn’t as involved in his life as Geong-Min. But he’s still like the father Hueningkai never had. Of course, there are some things that are different, but Namjoon acts a lot like he’s Hueningkai’s, Lea’s, and Bahiyih’s dad. 

“Dunno. Maybe,” he says as he sits back and sinks into his pillows and stuffed animals. His dolphin plush is tucked under his arm and he sighs. 

“We’re back!” Hoseok calls from downstairs. Seokjin gets up and ruffles Hueningkai’s hair before going, smiling gently at the Beta as he does. 

Hoseok comes upstairs a little after announcing his presence. He pushes the door open and stands in the doorway, staring worriedly at Hueningkai. 

“Are you okay?” he says softly. 

Hueningkai shrugs, watching as he comes to sit on the bed. 

“I’m okay. But, Hyung, you shouldn’t be here. I’m fine,” he says even though he wants nothing more than to hold Hoseok in his arms as the others talk downstairs. 

“No, you’re not,” Hoseok says and Hueningkai looks away, wringing his hands. “I can tell. I was so worried.” 

Hueningkai bites his lip hard enough to draw blood. He doesn’t like the taste much but it gives him a reason to keep his mouth shut. 

“It’s fine. You should go back before anyone notices you’re missing,” he says. Gods, he sounds like such a douchebag. 

Hoseok laughs, though the sound is soft and rather hushed. 

“No one’s come to get you or me yet, so I think it’s fine.” 

Hueningkai shrugs and picks at his fingernails. 

“Hyung,” he says, looking up, “can I kiss you?” 

The words hang heavily between them. 

Hoseok bites his lip. He doesn’t look at Hueningkai and instead keeps his eyes trained on his hands as he says, “Huening-ah, you’re so young.” 

_ But I trust you and I think I’m in love with you and I really want you to just listen to me and trust me when I say I want to be with you. _

“Please?” 

Hoseok glances up at him and away from his hands. 

“This is your one chance,” he says, “I told you we’d be waiting until-”

“-Until I was twenty-one, yeah, yeah. I know. Who knows, though. Maybe you won’t be able to resist me,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows playfully. 

“Yah, you’ll alert the others,” Hoseok says. Hueningkai grins at him. 

“Well, Hyung?” he says teasingly. “I’m open for business; better come and get it.” 

Hoseok snorts as he crawls over on his hands and knees. He straddles Hueningkai’s hips and cups his face. Hueningkai rests his hands on Hoseok’s hips and strokes his sides as they both begin to close their eyes, tilting their heads as they slowly press their lips together. Hueningkai missed Hoseok’s lips against his own. It’s something he definitely wouldn’t mind getting used to, that’s for sure. 

They don’t end up going down to dinner that night. Hueningkai sinks back into the pillows as Hoseok leans over him, tightening the grip his legs have around his hips. He runs his hands through his Hyung’s hair and over his body, Hoseok isn’t much better, though. 

In a way, it becomes a game of theirs. Hoseok will hold out for as long as he can, insisting that they can’t kiss, but he succumbs to it every time. They hide behind closed doors and kiss until both of them have sore lips. There’s something that makes it so much more exciting because no one else quite knows what they’re doing behind their backs. Hoseok’s lips burn as they touch Hueningkai’s skin and nails drag lightly over his body, memorising the path of his form. Hueningkai isn’t much better as he runs his hands over Hoseok, desperate to engrain every little detail possible into his memory. 

Of course, their romantic escapades aren’t the only thing going on. Hueningkai will still sometimes sneak into Seokjin’s and Namjoon’s room to sleep, though it’s become a less common occurrence as time goes by. Partly because he has Hoseok, but there’s a growing tension between Seokjin and Namjoon that has yet to be called out or even calmed. 

Hueningkai thinks it’s because the man practically raised him, but he notices it on Namjoon first. He ses ths stiffness of his posture and the clenching of his jaw along with the bone-deep exhaustion and something that looks like sadness but Hueningkai can’t quite understand where that comes from. 

It’s weird, really, because Namjoon has always been so good at putting his emotions aside for the cause. ‘The cause’ being the rebellion, but it’s not something that often needs clarification. Nonetheless, Namjoon’s emotions are beginning to push and pull at their restraints and it worries Hueningkai. 

“Hyung?” he says. Soobin hums and looks up from his book, raising an eyebrow. 

“What is it?” he says. Hueningkai walks over and sits down. 

“Do you think . . . has - does there seem to be anything . . . sort of off per se with Joon-Hyung?” 

Soobin frowns, putting the book down. 

“Kind of?” he says after a few moments of contemplation. He shrugs and picks at his lower lip. “I just - he seems to be hiding something.” 

Hueningkai nods, then he cranes his neck to make sure no one’s listening in on their conversation. 

“Have . . . do you see anything in your visions?” he says softly. Soobin shrugs, picking at his fingers. 

“No,” he mumbles. He heaves a sigh and his shoulders slump. “I just - I thought I could control them enough to, like, summon them forward, but all I see is . . . you know. The violet throne or whatever.” 

“They look like pansies to me,” Hueningkai says absent-mindedly. Soobin snorts a laugh and shakes his head. “But, uh, have you . . . found anything in them?” 

Soobin, yet again, shakes his head. “The . . . infection, I guess, is definitely something I can’t touch. It smells like rotting meat and the flowers are just . . . decaying whenever they touch.” 

“Has the time - I mean, is it ever slower or faster?” 

Soobin shrugs. 

“Well, the first one I found took three months to die,” he says. “It hasn’t changed much, though.” 

“Have you ever seen it on anything else?” Hueningkai says. “Do you think it might change how long it takes if something is bigger or smaller?” 

“I’ve never . . . I haven’t seen anything that wasn’t any of the flowers with it,” Soobin says. He bites his lip as if he’s not sure whether to add onto the statement. “Well, my visions have shown a few things but . . . I don’t know. I know it isn’t good, but I don’t have enough information to figure anything out. I just . . . he’s hiding something. Not just from me, but also from whatever shows me visions. When we met - well, sometimes I have visions of people when I first meet them, though you know that, but Joon-Hyung hid his from me.” 

“What about me?” Hueningkai says before he can stop himself. Soobin raises an eyebrow. 

“I saw you get married,” he says. Hueningkai scoots closer with wide eyes. 

“To who?” he says. 

“It’s ‘whom’, second of all, I can’t tell you. I probably shouldn’t have told you that in the first place because now you’re going to ask about the others and I can’t tell you that stuff either. So-”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Hueningkai says, sitting back. Soobin snorts and shakes his head fondly as he reaches out to ruffle his hair. 

“As long as we win the war, you have a happy ending,” Soobin says with a soft smile as his eyes crinkle in the corners.

“So I’m not the one who dies?” Hueningkai blurts out. 

Soobin looks away and doesn’t say anything. He picks at a loose thread coming from his shirt sleeve. 

“I . . . I don’t know,” he says, sighing. “I only - I haven’t been able to look that far into the future in a long, long time.” 

“How long?” Hueningkai demands, his words coming out far harsher and bossier than he intended. Soobin doesn’t seem to mind. 

“Months,” he says. “It’s been months since I’ve seen anything that far into the future. And . . . it scares me.” 

“Why, Hyung?” Hueningkai says. 

Soobin looks up and holds his gaze with dark, stormy eyes. 

“Because it implies that we’ve already lost those futures.”

So, that’s nice. And Hueningkai thinks he’s beginning to feel it too. Or maybe he already did and he simply didn’t want to accept it. Whatever the case is, Hueningkai can see the controversy between them all. Or , well, the controversy between Namjoon versus everyone else. It’s frustrating, extremely so, because Namjoon . . . isn’t supposed to be like this. Namjoon is a  _ good _ leader, a kind leader, a smart leader - he isn’t snappy and cold and closed-off and indifferent. It’s as if someone came and stole the old Namjoon while they were all asleep and replaced him with some crueler copy to tear them apart from the inside out. 

And, though he hates to admit it, Hueningkai thinks it’s working. 

He tells Hoseok this late at night while they listen to the muffled sounds of Seokjin and Namjoon arguing. 

“Adonis hasn’t said anything,” Hoseok murmurs as he combs his fingers through Hueningkai’s hair. He sighs and his breath tickles Hueningkai’s face. “They haven’t shown me anything in a pretty long time.” 

Hueningkai hums. 

“Do you . . . do you think Hyungs’ll be okay?” 

Hoseok sighs and doesn’t answer for a few moments. 

“I don’t know,” he finally says. He sighs again. “I just . . . I really, really hope so. I really do.” 

It turns out, though, that Seokjin and Namjoon aren’t okay. It reminds him of his parents. He can still remember the yelling and the shouting and the arguing that filled the air in that terrible way that always made his stomach churn as he and his sisters hid in the closet or Lea’s bedroom as if it would make it stop somehow. 

But the difference between his parents and his Hyungs is that there’s no escape from Seokjin and Namjoon. It doesn’t help either that they live in the same house. Namjoon sleeps in the guest bedroom while Seokjin will wander into Hueningkai’s bedroom or Hoseok’s bedroom to sleep with them. 

It’s . . . weird to see them acting this way. Seokjin, someone known to be quite neat and very meticulous and picky about things, sits in the filth of his bedroom in the same clothes he wore last week. He cries a lot and he doesn’t eat. Whatever is brought to his room sits on his bedside table, cold and yet to suffer even the tiniest of nibbles. His eyes seem to have become permanently red and puffy while his throat is always hoarse and voice is always thick with snot and tears and too many emotions to count. Hoseok, Taehyung, and Yoongi all sit with him during the day while he takes long depression naps that make all of the days blur together. Hueningkai uses magic to pack his things. 

He confronts Namjoon on his own. He doesn’t tell anyone because, honestly, he doesn’t think anyone else, except for maybe Soobin or Jimin or Jeongguk, should do it. 

“Hey, Joon-Hyung.” 

Namjoon looks up from whatever he’s writing, using his arm to cover up the parchment. His glasses slide down the slope of his nose and then they’re pushed back up, though it doesn’t take long before they’re going back down again. 

“Yeah? What is it, Huening?” he says. His voice is hoarse and raspy like Seokjin’s. 

“Are . . . are you okay?” 

Namjoon stares at him. He blinks a couple of times as if he’s trying to process the boy’s words. Disbelief paints his features and he frowns, shaking his head as he runs a hand through his already-disheveled hair. 

“What?” he says. He shakes his head again and takes his glasses off to clean the grubby lenses. “What did you say? Am I okay?” 

Hueningkai nods. His fight or flight instinct, for reasons unknown, is beginning to wake up. Namjoon sounds a little hysterical. 

“Why?” Namjoon says. He’s standing up now. He looks tired, like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. “Why would you ask me?”

“I - I’m - I was - I was worried about . . . you,” Hueningkai stutters. 

Namjoon blinks a few times before his shoulders slump even more and he sits back down, putting his head in his hands. He doesn’t say anything nor does he do anything - he just sits while Hueningkai stands awkwardly in the doorway. 

“I’m fine,” Namjoon finally says as he looks up and tries to smile at Hueningkai. It looks a whole lot more like a grimace. He sighs heavily. “Thank you for checking in.”

Hueningkai nods. He stares at Namjoon for a moment longer as Namjoon himself picks his quill up and puts whatever he was writing on away, replacing it with a stack of papers that he begins to look through. His inkstaind fingers leave round, black prints, ghosts of his presence that will forever be stuck in time. 

They wake up early to get on the ships. Hueningkai finds Seokjin downstairs at around four in the morning, sitting on the kitchen island with a cup of steaming tea clutched in between his hands as he stares blankly at the ground. 

“Hyung?” he says, rubbing his left eye with a closed fist. 

Seokjin looks up at me, blinking a few times. His eyes are still red and puffy, though it isn’t as bad as usual. 

“Oh, hi, Huening,” he says. He kicks his feet a little and shifts a bit on the counter, picking at his clothes. “What are you doing up so early?” 

Hueningkai stretches his arms over his head. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” he says around a yawn. Seokjin snorts and shakes his head. He offers a simple shrug as he sets the mug to the side and wraps his hands around the edge of the island. 

“Can’t sleep,” he says. He sighs and runs a hand through his thoroughly-disheveled hair. “I just - it’s too hard. I don’t like - our - my room is too empty. There’s too much space for just one person.” 

“You know you can sleep in our room if you want,” Hueningkai says. “We don’t - it’s not a problem or anything. It’s nice when you do.” 

Seokjin smiles softly and shakes his head. 

“It’s okay, Huening-ah,” he says gently. “I know you want to have Hoseok all to yourself.” 

Hueningkai blushes despite the situation and looks away. 

“Well, I mean, you’re still - you can still come and sleep with us if you - if you want,” he says. 

Seokjin stares at him, his expression unreadable. He tilts his head to the side a little bit as he drums his nails on the stone countertop. 

“I wouldn’t . . . I wouldn’t want to impose,” he finally says. His shoulders drop a bit before he’s drawing himself back up. Hueningkai doesn’t miss the action. 

“It’s okay,” he says. “I - we just want you to be okay, yeah? So, if that’s what it takes, then I think it’s fine. Hoseok-Hyung and I both want you there if it’s what makes you feel better.” 

“You . . . you’re a good person, Huening,” Seokjin says softly. His eyes look a bit glassy with unshed tears. “You’re a good kid and I’m glad you’re dating my brother. You both . . . you’re good for each other. And I’m happy for you guys.” He sighs and looks at his hands which now reside in his lap. “And I don’t want to ruin yet another relationship.”

“You wouldn’t ruin our relationship,” Hueningkai argues immediately. “Hyung, you’re not - if anything was to happen to . . . to whatever Hoseok-Hyung and I have, then it would only be between us. Not - it wouldn’t - it wouldn’t concern anyone else unless there . . . unless there was someone else. But I don’t - don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that there is. I really trust him.” 

Seokjin chuckles softly as he pushes himself off of the countertop with his hands and walks over to Hueningkai. He tilts his head curiously. 

“Good,” he says. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head. “Good, that’s good. I’m happy for you. Just - just be careful with him, okay? Don’t . . . don’t go too fast.”

Hueningkai nods. Seokjin tries to smile but, when his face simply refuses to cooperate, he ends up nodding while he wears a stoic, empty expression. 

“I’m going to go start loading things onto the ship,” Seokjin finally says. He steps around Hueningkai and grabs his cup before dumping the still-scalding hot tea into the sink. He walks quickly to escape the room and then he climbs up the stairs, leaving Hueningkai alone with his thoughts. 

The boy sighs and looks around, sinking his teeth into the swell of his bottom lip. The room is now bathed in darkness without Seokjin’s little, most likely unconscious aura of light. There isn’t much to do and, to be honest, he’s quite aware of the fact that he’ll be exhausted if he doesn’t at least  _ try _ to go back to sleep. 

Hueningkai sighs again and shakes his head, running a hand through his hair before he heads back up the stairs and to his room. 

“Mmm, where were you?” Hoseok mumbles when he lies down beside him. Hueningkai hums an answer as he curls up next to the man, sighing softly through his nose. 

“Just went downstairs for a glass of water,” he says. He tugs Hoseok closer and rests his chin on top of his head. Hoseok hums and shifts around until they’re facing each other. His eyes are lidded from sleep and he yawns a little. 

“You should go back to sleep,” he says sleepily.

“Can I have a kiss goodnight?” 

Hoseok huffs a soft laugh as he leans forward to press their lips together. Hueningkai tilts his head and leans into the kiss, his hands idly wandering down to Hoseok’s hips. 

They make out rather lazily for a rather long time. Hueningkai doesn’t mind. He likes making out with Hoseok, whether it be slow and languid like honey oozing from a bottle or fast and heated like a cup of scalding tea soaking into a white dress. Either way, he loves doing it. 

Gods, he loves  _ Hoseok _ . Hoseok is so, so perfect and so, so wonderful that Hueningkai still wonders how on earth they ever managed to get together. 

Those thoughts, however, disappear as he finally falls asleep beside his lover. When he wakes up, the sun has already risen (well, not quite as it’s still dawn) and Namjoon has decided they have to get out as fast and soon as they can. Hueningkai groans and rolls away from Hoseok, drawing a laugh from the other male. He’s freshly-showered, or so Hueningkai thinks. He bases it off of the steam that’s fogging up the bathroom and slowly leaking into their bedroom. Well, technically it’s Hueningkai’s room, but with how often Hoseok sleeps with him it’s basically theirs. 

They head out a whole lot later than Namjoon intended. Hueningkai can tell from the way Namjoon’s usual scowl (when did it become usual? He used to be so smiley and happy) has deepened. It doesn’t do much for the team morale. 

The first day on the boat is nice enough, Hueningkai supposes. He’s not terribly seasick but Yeonjun definitely is. Hoseok is also suffering a bit, but that seems to be it. 

However, the tension that charges the air around Namjoon and Seokjin makes everyone very, very stiff. They don’t take it out on each other but Hueningkai can see the concealed aggression amongst all of them. When Soobin and Yeonjun spar to keep Yeonjun’s mind off of his seasickness and to help Soobin’s anxiety, they both attack each other a little (to Hueningkai, it looks like a whole lot) harder than needed. The claw and teeth marks left by Taehyun and Beomgyu are enough evidence that they too are suffering from the tension between Namjoon and Seokjin. Jeongguk and Taehyung aren’t often out on deck but, when they are, neither of them are very keen on talking. Yoongi simply holes himself up in his room while Jimin offers everyone tight-lipped smiles and stiff conversation. 

It’s nice to have Hoseok. They tend to unwind by cuddling, throwing in a few make out sessions here and there, though it’s never anything very explicit. Hueningkai was relieved (even more than that but he doesn’t know any words that could describe it better) when he found out his boyfriend (well, they’re not official yet, but Hueningkai doesn’t know how else to refer to Hoseok. Friend with romantic benefits? Successful crush? Who knows.) was also asexual. It’s . . . even more than a relief to hear about. Hueningkai immediately felt like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders when they both came out to each other. Gods, he’s so lucky, isn’t he? 

The trip continues smoothly and everyone continues to hide whatever contempt they feel to the best of their abilities. In some cases, Hueningkai wouldn’t even know there was something wrong with them if he didn’t know them. However, there are also the people who can’t hide their emotions for shit and it shows a whole lot more than even they themselves might know. 

Hueningkai feels like crying when they reach Ifan. Obviously, he’s not too siked to be there, but it’s better than the boat (Yeonjun’s vomit smells awful and he was doing it over the sides of the ship so it would constantly stain the wood). 

When their feet touch the pier, Hoseok seems to sway. Hueningkai tugs him close to his side by wrapping an arm around his waist and pressing him against his body. 

“Are you okay?” he says, crouching a little to look in the older’s eyes. Hoseok doesn’t say anything but he does click his tongue as he smooths out a presumed crease in Hueningkai’s brow. 

“I’m fine,” he says and it’s  _ so _ believable. “It’s okay, Huening; it’s not like I’m made of porcelain or anything.” 

Hueningkai’s worries, very obviously, are not soothed as they begin to walk. Embarrassingly enough, he’s never really been to the village they now reside in. He’s never had the time. 

“Gods, it’s so cold,” he whines as he lets go of Hoseok in favor of hugging himself and rubbing his arms. Hoseok doesn’t mind and he even pulls the boy back into his embrace. 

“I told you,” he says and Hueningkai laughs. 

“You know,” he says a bit teasingly, “you’re not a very good jacket since you’re a little too small.” 

Hoseok snorts, pulling away as he crosses his arms and walks off. 

“Well,” he says pettily, “I was helping you but I guess you’ve lost that too.” 

Hueningkai can’t help but laugh again as he chases after the older male to grab his hand and pull him back into his embrace. 

When they get up to the actual town, Hoseok looks around and frowns. 

“Where did the soldiers go?” 

Hueningkai shrugs, his eyes darting over to where Namjoon stands. 

“Namjoon-Hyung probably sent someone ahead to take care of them or they were all part of the rebellion,” he says. He shrugs again. “It’s one of the two.” Hueningkai frowns and then he adds, “Or the emperor heard we were coming and brought them back so he could feel safer in his castle.” 

Hoseok looks like he wants to laugh, though his lips remain sealed. However, he does smile a bit. 

“I don’t think the last one is very likely to happen.” 

Hueningkai shrugs yet again and pulls Hoseok closer to his body. It’s so  _ cold. _

“I suppose so,” he says. To be honest, Hueningkai really knows there’s no way such a thing would ever happen. All they can really do is continue through the town in hopes of finding the others. 

It is surprisingly easy to get lost in the crowd despite the fact that Hueningkai (and even Hoseok) seem to tower over many of the people milling around them. However, Hueningkai can at least use his height to find Soobin and Yeonjun as they too stick out of the sea of people. 

“Oh, there you are,” Soobin says. “Do you know where the others are? We’re lost.” 

“So are we,” Hoseok chimes in. He frowns, pointing at Yeonjun. The younger Omega is tucked into Soobin’s embrace, looking as if he hasn’t slept at all. “Um, is he okay?”

“He didn’t sleep very well,” Soobin explains. He turns and then leans down so he can kiss the crown of Yeonjun’s head. The older whines when he pulls away, drawing a giggle from Soobin. 

“I don’t think you guys will be very hard to find,” Hoseok says. 

Hueningkai laughs before he squats and puts his hands on his knees. 

“Aw, you’re so tiny,” he coos and then Hoseok punches him in the shoulder. He laughs as he stumbles off and spins his arms around. 

“You should be glad I’m not Jimin,” Hoseok says when he comes back. Hueningkai smiles at him before leaning down and kissing the top of his head. 

“Mm.” 

Suddenly, Taehyung yells, “Found them!” Soobin, Yeonjun, Hueningkai, and Hoseok all look over to see the rest of their pack (Namjoon excluded), waving at them. 

“There you are,” Yoongi says when they get within earshot. He gestures at them to follow before he picks his bags up. “Come on. The inn is this way.”

Surprisingly, the place is pretty nice. Hueningkai isn’t quite sure what he expected, but what they’re getting is nicer than he’d expected. The bed is big and warm enough for them both to fit without Hueningkai’s feet hanging off of the edges. 

He sighs, smiling softly as Hoseok’s breath ghosts over his collarbones. The warmth of Hoseok’s body is familiar, soothing him in a way that few others can manage. Hoseok has always been a warm, gentle presence since the day they first met, and gods, Hueningkai is the luckiest bastard to have ever walked the earth to have ended up with an angel like Hoseok. 

The night takes a drastic turn when Seokjin stumbles off of the cliff and Adonis takes control of Hoseok to save him. 

Hueningkai is rather sobered by the situation as he races to pick his lover up. Tears prick at his eyes as he runs back to the inn, scrambling to unlock the door with shaking hands. Hoseok’s unconscious body is cold and pale, his lips a bit blue. Hueningkai feels his heart pounding uncontrollably inside of his chest, loud and angry about what’s happening. 

They stay in the little seaside town for two nights before leaving to head into the Deep Forest. 

To say the least, it’s a lot worse than Hueningkai remembered. Up north, winter, or at least fall has already sunken its claws into the land, sending cold breezes through the trees to tug at their hair and clothes while simultaneously reddening their cheeks and the tips of their ears. 

It doesn’t help that camping is not nearly as glamorous as what he’s used to. Call him a brat or spoiled as much as you want (he knows he’s being one), but Hueningkai is far from used to the small, cold tent he and Hoseok share. Yes, of course, he enjoys being with his boyfriend, but the nest is still attacked by the cold winds that manage to slither into their tent. But . . . it’s nice. Hueningkai still likes it. 

The days pass and the war continues. Hueningkai can sense the nervous energy that builds up and rushes through the troops. Everyone’s getting more anxious with every step taken in the direction of the capital. He and Hoseok have yet to go into battle, and it only makes the worries that swirl through his mind worse. He lies awake at night and stares at the ceiling while Hoseok sleeps, though it’s not always very peaceful due to the nightmares he’s often plagued with. 

Hueningkai sighs softly through his nose and closes his eyes, his fingers carding through Hoseok’s hair. The strands are a bit greasy, matted, and tangled, making it a bit of a difficult journey, but Hueningkai needs to do something with his hands in case he loses control over his powers. It hasn’t happened in a long time, but he’s still scared that something will somehow happen and he’ll end up doing more damage than he can repair. 

He sighs again and opens his eyes to glance down at Hoseok. The older male shifts around until the top of his head touches the corner of Hueningkai’s jawline, his hands balled into little fists where they rest on top of the boy’s chest. Hueningkai manages to smile softly as he watches Hoseok. The prince’s eyelashes seem to just barely dust the skin of his cheeks while his face and the tips of his ears are a bit red from the cold. 

“I love you,” Hueningkai whispers. His throat feels hoarse and his words come out sounding that way, thick with emotion and unshed tears. Hueningkai feels his entire body shake as he sobs silently. It leads him to bring a hand, now balled into a fist, up to his face to cover his mouth as he cries. The sobs rack through his body while the tears slide down his cheeks, going all sorts of directions due to the fact that he’s lying down on his back. A few sneak around the protection of his fist and into his mouth and Hueningkai tastes salt. His skin is slick with his tears, though there are other things Hueningkai is worried about right now. Such as waking Hoseok up. 

He’s thankful when he cries himself to sleep to avoid it. 

Hueningkai is the last person Namjoon speaks to before their first battle with the emperor. Of course, he doesn’t know it yet. 

“Hyung,” Hueningkai says as Namjoon slides his sword into its sheath, “what are you doing?” 

Namjoon stills but he doesn’t turn around. With only a view from behind, he looks like some sort of monster or mythical creature. The horns of the skul on his head are long and threatening, painted with little designs while ringed in gold. The black feathers of the cloak cover his back and hide everything else from sight like some sort of armor. It’s the only sort of ‘armor’ Namjoon’s ever worn. 

“What do you mean?” Namjoon finally says. He doesn’t turn around but Hueningkai can see him holding his hands in front of himself. His left arm is moving in a motion that makes Hueningkai think he’s twisting the ring around on his right hand, though that wouldn’t make sense. The ring is from Seokjin, so why would Namjoon still be wearing it?

“You’re pushing everyone away,” Hueningkai says. Namjoon finally turns around to look over his shoulder at the boy and he raises an eyebrow. 

“So? It’s better-” his voice seems to catch in his throat and Hueningkai watches as he wipes his eyes with his forearm “-it’s better for Jin- for Seokjin. It’s better for him and for all of you.” 

“What?” Hueningkai says. Namjoon doesn’t say anything as he shakes his head and heaves a heavy sigh. “Hyung, what are you talking about? What does that even  _ mean _ ?” 

Namjoon turns around and stares at him. His eyes are soft and fond and so full of affection that Hueningkai feels like crying. He just looks so very  _ sad _ . It’s as if they’re saying their farewells. 

A thought that he absolutely despises surfaces at the far corners of his mind, but, just as quickly as it appears, it’s gone. 

“It’s nothing, Kai,” Namjoon says. Hueningkai feels a frown make itself at home on his face. Namjoon has only ever called him ‘Kai’ one other time, and it was when they first met. His stomach churns uncomfortably. 

“Hyung-”

“I love you, okay?” Namjoon says. He smiles gently at Hueningkai and the boy feels himself begin to shake. “I couldn’t be more proud. You’ve come so far, it’s been an honor to see you grow up.” 

“But Hyung-”

However, before Hueningkai can finish, Namjoon’s walking out. 

And then, within what feels like barely even a second, he’s dead. 

The world stops turning. Hueningkai feels shock course through his veins as he stares at the man he’d call his father if he ever was asked. Namjoon falls in slow motion with the grace of a swan. 

Hueningkai’s single coherent thought is one word. 

_ No. _

And then, suddenly, Seokjin is screaming Namjoon’s name and tearing across the field. Hueningkai himself feels his knees give out and he collapses. 

_ No. No, no, no, no, no, not him. Please not him. _

“NAMJOON!” 

_ Namjoon-Hyung, Joon-Hyung, Joon-Hyung, Joonie-Hyung, Joonie-Hyung, Joonie-Hyung, no, no, no. No!  _

The tears slide down his cheeks and then there’s a flash of light brighter than the sun. Hueningkai, when he opens his eyes, finds himself at the campsite. Seokjin is holding Namjoon’s limp body in his arms and Hueningkai feels his head spin as the bile rises up in his throat. But he can’t seem to make any noise that isn’t one of grief.

_ No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I never even said goodbye, I never even said goodbye! _

Hoseok’s embrace isn’t enough to stop the storm of tears that pour down his cheeks. Hueningkai tucks his face into the false safety of his boyfriend as his shoulders shake and tears roll down his cheeks. He can hear Seokjin sobbing loudly alongside Jeongguk and Soobin, though Jeongguk’s are muffled. Taehyun is hiccuping, but it’s not as loud as the others. 

At some point, Soobin releases a loud, broken wail into the air. Hueningkai can’t pry his face away from where he hides it in Hoseok’s hair, shutting his eyes tight so he doesn’t have to look at Namjoon’s corpse. For some reason he can’t explain, his delirious mind has reasoned that Namjoon still has a chance if he doesn’t see the body. 

Every sound from Seokjin feels like another stab to the gut. And when Jeongguk tries telling him that he’s dead, Hueningkai sobs loudly into Hoseok’s hair. No, no, no, it’s not - how is it fucking _fair_? Namjoon was _supposed_ to retire happily to live the rest of his days out in peace. He was supposed to be alive, to see all of them get older and to get older and to be in love with Seokjin and to have an actual blood-related family and he was supposed to  watch the empire grow and he was supposed to _live_. 

How on earth is it fair? How is it fair when Namjoon is only twenty-seven years old? How is it fair when he’s so damn young and he’s so important to so many people and none of them are prepared and there were no goodbyes and the world is changing because of him but he’s never going to see it?

These are the questions that haunt Hueningkai as he lies awake the night of Namjoon’s death. The rain is loud as it collides with the tent’s top, but the obnoxious pitter-patter of the sky’s mourning does nothing to ease Hueningkai’s broken heart and grieving mind. 

Even Hoseok’s delicate and familiar warmth doesn’t comfort him. Hueningkai knows he stayed up to try and comfort him but he’d been terribly unresponsive. It had gotten to be enough that Hoseok eventually let the sound of the rain carry him to sleep. Hueningkai isn’t mad or bitter about it. To be honest, he can’t quite feel any emotion that isn’t shock or grief right now. The only thing or, well,  _ person _ he can think about right now is Namjoon. He can see Namjoon’s smiling face when they first met, how easily he’d welcomed Hueningkai and his sisters into his family. He can still feel how gently he’d held him while Lea and Bahiyih had left, how his embrace had felt, how warm he’d been. 

What had Hueningkai ever done, though? Had he ever brought the same joy and influence into Namjoon’s life too? Did - was Namjoon thinking of him when he died? Does he resent Hueningkai for shutting him out? For going along with the rest of the pack and ignoring Namjoon? Did Namjoon forgive him? Did he leave him anything? Did he still love him, or was it all just talk? Was he truly proud of him, or was he making it up so Hueningkai could feel less guilt after his death? 

Amazingly, more tears begin to well up in Hueningkai’s eyes. It’s a bittersweet feeling because at least he has tears left. However, Namjoon is still dead and no amount of crying will ever bring him back. 

_ “I love you, okay?” _ Namjoon’s voice says and Hueningkai sobs quietly, tightening the grip he has on Hoseok. Hoseok, even though he’s (most likely) asleep, squeezes back and Hueningkai hooks his chin over the older male’s shoulder as he grits his teeth and cries. His jaw begins to ache but Hueningkai can’t change his position at all. 

_ “I couldn’t be more proud. It’s been an honor to watch you grow up.”  _

Hueningkai feels another sob bubble up, stubborn and frustrating. He hates this, hates that he’s still alive to cry while Namjoon is dead and gone and never coming back. 

_ Hyung, _ he thinks,  _ where do we go from here? What do we do without you? Do you miss us? Do you miss me? Do you still love me? Is everything - did your soul go to the right place? Are you happy? Is it warm? Is it nice? Is your mother there? What’s it like? Do you miss us? _

Hueningkai sighs and shakes his head, trying (and, very obviously, failing) to clear his mind of Namjoon. How could he ever succeed, though? Namjoon was such an important part of Hueningkai’s life. He’s just - he was a constant, someone who was always there, even if it was only in the background. And now . . . now, sure, the grief of his loss is going to obviously affect all of them, but Namjoon himself won’t be there. He won’t wake them up early in the morning to keep moving, he won’t lead them to victory against the emperor, he won’t act like a tired father with too many children . . . he won’t be around to do any of the things that Namjoon used to touch other people’s lives. There’s simply no way to fill a void like that. Namjoon made sure that the space he carved out for himself was impossible to fill. And now he’s dead and they’re all left feeling empty. 

[ _ Caterpillar _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k47TJon1C3Y)

They say that time heals all wounds, but, to Hueningkai at least, that all sounds like bullshit. It  _ is _ bullshit because it still feels like he’s getting torn apart from inside out even when he purposely tries to focus on things that aren’t Namjoon. Grief’s sharp, twisted claws have sunken into Hueningkai’s heart and mind, and the scars they’ll leave will last a lifetime. And Hueningkai, with his entire being, despises them. 

He cries a lot. Especially at Namjoon’s funeral. He and Soobin have to carry Namjoon’s cold, dead body over to the pyre and Hueningkai hates the feeling more than anything. Namjoon is heavier from death and Hueningkai can’t stop the tears that roll down his cheeks. He doesn’t want this, doesn’t want the sensation of Namjoon’s body in his hands, doesn’t want to carry Namjoon’s body to the pyre so early before his actual children can. He doesn’t want it, not one bit. 

As if it isn’t already bad enough, they have to light the pyre. At least Soobin’s helping him because Hueningkai can’t promise that he wouldn’t shove the torch onto the groundd to put it out before throwing himself at Namjoon’s body to sob and beg with him to return. Of course, he knows it wouldn’t do a thing to change the situation. 

The days that follow the funeral are bleak. No one, not even Soobin or Jeongguk, knows what to do without Namjoon. They at least manage to contact the other three generals but, other than that, everyone simply sits idly and waits for some sort of direction or at least a push toward it. 

And then, suddenly, Hueningkai has an envelope from Namjoon that’s addressed to him in his hands. 

At first, the idea of opening it makes his head swim. He can’t bear the thought of what could be inside, hidden behind the mask of the envelope. He doesn’t want to read about how terrible he was and how Namjoon is so very relieved to finally be dead. 

But, also, maybe there’s some sort of . . . well, closure? Because Namjoon’s death has left so many - too many unanswered questions and by now everyone’s so very desperate for some sort of guidance that Hueningkai’s fingers are already prying the wax seal apart. 

The tears are already welling up in his eyes when he sees Namjoon’s handwriting. But he bites his lip and squares his shoulders, telling himself he has to stay strong. 

_My dear, darling Huening,_ _  
__I truly do mean it when I say I’m sorry. I suppose that I’m a bit like your father, or so I think. I might not be for all I know. But, for me, you and Soobin are as close to kids as I’m ever going to get._ _  
__Gods, that’s a bit depressing. I can’t even write this without crying because I can’t stand the thought of dying so young. Honestly, though, I’ve known for nearly twenty years, or so it seems. I found out when I was ten, so I guess . . . sixteen, almost seventeen years now? A majority of my lifetime, wow, impressive._ _  
__That’s not the point, though. I guess . . . well, there are so many things to say, aren’t there? Gods, there’s no way I could possibly ever convey how much I love and care for you. Or, well, by the time you’re reading this it’ll be ‘loved’ and ‘cared’, but such thoughts are quite morbid and I’d rather not speak of them._ _  
__First of all, though, I want you to know that I have never ever held anything against you. I love you so, so much and I am so, so proud of you. You’ve come so far from the little boy I first met all those years ago, and it’s been an honor to raise you. Whenever I look at you and Soobin, gods, it makes me want to cry. I can’t believe I was there to see you two growing up. You guys are such strong, independent, young men and I couldn’t ever regret any moment with you two. Well, I am rather heartbroken over the last few moments we all shared, but . . . I think you’ll all do well. I wouldn’t have trusted you all with this if I didn’t, though._ _  
__Alas, there’s not much I can offer. I wish more than anything to hug and hold you at least once before death takes me, though, with how much destruction I've caused within our pack, I doubt such a thing is possible. To be honest, though, it’s truly okay. I mean it when I say that and I pray that you won’t blame yourself or resent yourself for anything. If anything, you all should resent me for this. Maybe one day I’ll see you again and you’ll all get to yell at me._ _  
__If I can be vulnerable for a bit here, though, I just want to tell you that I’m really, really scared. Terrified is better. I don’t honestly want to die, even though I know there’s no escape. Is it bad that I’m scared? Is it dangerous? Do you think I could run from my fate?_ _  
__Ah, I shouldn’t bother with questions such as these though. It can’t be helpful, can it? And we both know there’s no way I’d ever run from my fate. Why should I? I’ll only make it worse if I do, right?_ _  
__That aside, I just want to tell you I love you. I really, really do and I really, really hope you’re happy. I hope you get over my death because it really is something that had to happen. You’ll all see it, I swear you will. I promise that I’ll see you again. Someday, I promise I’ll hug you again. For now, though, you guys are on your own. I have faith in you though. You all can do it, you just have to believe in yourselves. You’re all so powerful and wonderful and smart and kind and you all care so much about this and I can’t wait to see what happens next. Because I know you’ll do it. Even when it seems like that’s the least likely thing in the world, even now that I’m dead, I know you’ll do it. I wouldn’t have entrusted this responsibility to you guys if I didn’t think it. I swear you can do it. You really can, you just have to trust yourselves. I’ll be waiting._ _  
__Lastly, or so I think, I want you to watch Jin-Hyung. I know it’s a lot of responsibility and it probably isn’t a fair request, but I just want to make sure everyone’s watching him to make sure he doesn’t do anything impulsive. And, believe me, I know you’re all in pain too and that it’s probably as bad as him. But . . . Jin-Hyung is terribly impulsive and he doesn’t always think before he does things. So, if you can, could you just . . . be there for him? It’s a lot to ask, I know, but I’m worried about him. Thank you._ _  
__Truth be told, I would like to continue this. Unfortunately (or fortunately? I haven’t a clue, I won’t be there to see you read this), I haven’t any idea what to write. I just want to say that I love you and I’m proud of you and I forgive you even though I was never angry in the first place. I just thought that it might be something you’d want to hear. Perhaps it is?_ _  
__Well, dear Huening, I guess I’ll pull this letter to a close. It’s quite long, though I hope you read it all. I just want to say that I love you and I’m so proud of you. Until we meet again, I suppose._ _  
__With lots of love,_ _  
___-Namjoon (Joonie-Hyung)

Hueningkai throws his head back and wails as he clutches the letter to his chest so his tears don’t smudge the precious letters that litter the page. Hoseok crawls over and wraps his arms around him, his chin resting on his shoulder as he begins to rock them back and forth. Hueningki puts a hand on his forearm while the other covers his eyes, the letter lying nearby. 

“ _ Hyung, _ ” he sobs brokenly. “Namjoonie-Hyung, Namjoonie-Hyung.” 

“He - he said he was proud of me,” Hueningkai says while he sniffles pathetically. Gods, why does it hurt so  _ much _ ? “He said he was so, so proud of me that he wanted to cry whenever he looked at me because - because he couldn’t believe he’d - he’d been there.” 

“How could he not be proud of you?” Hoseok says gently from behind him. “How could he not be proud of you when you’re amazing and so wonderful and so beautiful and so successful?” 

_ It certainly doesn’t  _ feel _ that way, _ Hueningkai thinks as he releases another sniveling sob. Hoseok hushes him and tugs him closer, beginning to press soft kisses to his neck. 

It takes him around two hours to pull himself back together. Even then, saying he’s ‘okay’ or ‘fine’ is quite a stretch. His eyes are red and puffy, his face flushed from crying as he keeps close to Hoseok. 

However, no one seems to be much better. Yoongi and Jimin are talking quietly with Taehyung and Jeongguk when they get out, though they’re the only ones Hueningkai can see. It makes him wonder what the others are doing.

When Jimin and Jeongguk see him, Jimin’s arms open up automatically. Hueningkai feels his knees give out as he hides his face in the crook of his Hyung’s neck and wraps his arms around his middle. He can hear the others talking, yes, but it’s not something he’s paying attention to. Jimin gently runs his fingers through his hair while fresh tears drip down the boy’s cheeks. He’s humming softly under his breath, rocking back and forth to try and soothe Hueningkai. Jeongguk wraps his arms around the both of them and rests his chin on Hueningkai’s shoulder as he joins Jimin in his humming. Hueningkai recognizes it as a lullaby that Geong-Min and sometimes even Namjoon would sing. More tears pour from his eyes at the connection. Gods, it’s not fucking fair. It’s never going to be fucking fair. 

When Hoseok comes over and rests a hand on his shoulder, Hueningkai turns around and hurls himself into his arms. 

“He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s  _ gone _ ,” Hueningkai sobs hysterically. Hoseok hushes him quietly as he begins to rock them both, trying to calm him down. A part of Hueningkai doesn’t want it to work. At least that way he’ll have an excuse if he loses control over his powers and goes out to kill the emperor himself. 

Namjoon’s death, very obviously, leaves an empty space that seems impossible to fill. It doesn’t help that no one knows how to keep going or what to do. Hueningkai hates how helpless he feels. What’s the point of being one of the most powerful people alive if he can’t even do anything? He’s useless, just like everyone else. No one seems to remember why they ever came or their original purpose or plan. Hueningkai hates it, hates it more than anything in the entire world. Or, well, he supposes he hates the emperor more, but he’s still pretty pissed about being totally unable to get up from Namjoon’s death. 

Eventually, Soobin decides to call a council meeting. Hueningkai’s stomach churns as he holds onto Hoseok, clinging to him like a little baby. 

He hates everyone on the screens the moment they all appear. He wants to die as they begin to fill the room with their mindless chatter while Soobin tries desperately to get a little more than a single word in. He curls closer to Hoseok and shuts his eyes in hopes of drowning it out. 

Soobin, however, takes that into his own hands when he stands up and slams his hands onto the wooden table. 

“I  _ AM  _ HIS SUCCESSOR!” he booms. Everyone turns to look at him, even Hueningkai himself despite knowing that it’ll make him feel shitty. He lasts a bit longer than expected as he glares around the room, his chest heaving, but, in the end, his embarrassment wins and he sits down, making himself smaller. 

“You?” one of the generals says as he leans forward to examine Soobin. “But you’re so  _ young _ .” 

“Are you questioning Namjoon’s orders?” Seokjin suddenly asks from the back of the room. His voice is low and dangerous, a clear warning like when a wolf bares its teeth and growls. “Are you questioning the  _ emperor’s _ orders?”

“The emperor?” a voice asks. Everyone looks over at Soobin as Seokjin comes to stand behind him, resting a hand on his shoulder. 

“You will listen to the emperor,” he hisses, “or you will pay for it with your life. In a time like this, there is no space for those who refuse to listen.”

“Are you threatening us?” one of the other generals says. 

Seokjin turns to her and the pressure in the room drops. Hueningkai’s ears pop in response as Seokjin’s eyes take on a dangerous glow while electricity crackles in the air. 

“Am  _ I _ threatening  _ you? _ ” he says. He sounds too calm as he throws back his head and laughs. “Are you truly asking such a question? Are you truly that  _ stupid _ ?” 

Despite the fact that none of them are there physically, all of the generals move away from the screen. Seokjin casts a deadly glare around the room. 

“If you want an answer, then yes, I am threatening you,” he says. He holds his hand out and a golden orb pushes through his skin. Hueningkai gets whiplash from how powerful it is. And then, before anything happens, he closes his hand and the orb disappears. He sinks to the ground and looks around the room once more before pointing at Soobin. 

“You will discuss the plans for war with the emperor,” he says, his voice low and still very dangerous. “I am only refraining from destroying you all because of him. Now, don’t test his patience.” 

He walks out, then. It takes a few seconds, but his brothers do follow him. Hueningkai, instinctively, reaches out for him and allows their fingers to brush before pulling his hand back and watching as he goes. He wanders close to Soobin, then, and takes shelter nearby. 

The meeting goes well. It’s long, quite long actually, but Soobin’s confidence grows. And so does everyone else’s willingness to keep going. 

And they do. They’ve all taken a nearly critical hit and they’re lucky they can still keep going. They will. Namjoon’s death will not be in vain. 

He begins to see what Namjoon meant the more battles they win and the longer Soobin leads the rebellion. He’s never put much thought into it, but Namjoon’s shadow is a large one. Even now, but it’s easier for Soobin to push his way out of it and into the light to leave his own mark on time’s endless tapestry. Namjoon’s done his work, he’s done what he could, but now it’s Soobin’s turn. And who knows, maybe it already was, but Namjoon was still alive and still afraid and unable to let go. But he’s gone and Soobin has been forced to claim leadership. 

It’s a bit bittersweet, of course, because they’re both people Hueningkai cares about. But they can all admit (not necessarily out loud, but at least they can in their heads) that Nnamjoon’s death has actually helped them. It’s probably an extreme as Namjoon could’ve sismply retired, but that’s no longer an option. And now, here they are, riding toward the capital city of Ifan to defeat the emperor. 

Gods, how? Well, it’s not really a matter of  _ how _ but more  _ when _ . When did all of this happen? When did Hueningkai find himself here? He’s riding on a horse and he’s heading over to a battlefield with a long cloak as his only sort of armor since the energy and strength required for carrying a full set of armor is too much when he’ll be using so much magic. 

The drums are hit and then, before he can blink, Soobin is leading them in a charge. Huenignaki holds his hands out and he uses his magic to launch himself forward. He sees Seokjin twisting his hands as creatures of earth rise from the ground. He’s riding on a drake (basically a wingless dragon or a giant, super buff lizard) and there’s a sword in his hand, his eyes narrowed. Taehyun pushes easily through the human soldiers, lunging at enemies and bringing them down. Yoongi moves through the crowd silently, his blades spinning as he attacks the soldiers. Jimin is nearby, his large spear spinning around him in a deadly arc. Taehyung and Jeongguk are back-to-back and Hueningkai watches with awe as they push forward. He raises his hands around himself and a bunch of feather-esque daggers materialize around him. He sends them off to kill as many imperial soldiers as possible. 

All is well until suddenly, a sort of feline lunges at Hueningkai and sinks its teeth into his shoulder. He cries out and holds his hand up, focusing on destroying the creature. It explodes but that’s not what Hueningkai’s worried about as he watches Hoseok plummet from the sky. 

“Hyung, look out!” he yells. His shoulder is bleeding. He can feel the sanguine liquid soaking through his clothes and running over his skin. It’s painful but not nearly as bad as the thought of losing Hoseok. 

“Hurry!” Hoseok says as Hueningkai tries to free him. Hueningkai curses loudly as he cups his hands around the wound and focuses, shutting his eyes as a burst of purple light pushes through the gaps of his fingers. Hoseok is freed and Hueningkai wills the shield to disappear. Hoseok tries to stay with him but Hueningkai pushes him out of the crater. Seokjin rushes over to assist him when he notices while Hoseok takes on Aristok. 

“Shit, your shoulder,” he grumbles. Hueningkai looks over and waves his hand, though the pain is already beginning to make his head spin. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine!” he tries to insist as Seokjin pushes him onto his back and tears his shirt aside. 

“No, you’re not. You’ve been poisoned or en-venomed or whatever. Hold still,” Seokjin says, his voice holding no room for arguments. 

Hueningkai struggles to free himself when he hears Hoseok cry out. 

“Hyung, we have to go help him! Come on, come on!” he says, squirming in place as Seokjin tends to his wounds. 

“No, shut up,” he hisses. 

Hoseok, meanwhile, stumbles and tries to cover his ears with his hands. Adonis seems to fight his body as they bring their shield up while Aristok’s sword comes down over them. Hoseok’s knees buckle under the force of the attack and Hueningkai feels his heart stop. 

“Hyung!” Hueningkai yells as he tries to get back up. Seokjin shoves him back and Hoseok glances over his shoulder before his attention is jerked back to Aristok. 

“No, no, no, no, no,” Hueningkai murmurs. Seokjin doesn’t say anything before he sits back and looks over his shoulder. Hoseok is suddenly covered by Aristok and he looks so very small as the other host lifts his sword up. 

Taehyun, however, comes to the rescue. 

“Taehyun!” Hueningkai yells, a mixture of shock and fear filling his veins as the wolf snarls and moves away as he places himself in front of Hoseok. He licks his bloody maw and his lips pull away from his teeth to reveal that they too are red. However, his limp is rather obvious as is the missing part of his ear. 

“ **What are you doing, little pup?** ” Aristok coos. He crouches downw and his presence seems to keep Hueningkai from even  _ moving _ . Taeheyun’s fur puffs, a sure sign of fear, even as he growls again. 

And then, much to everyone’s surprise, he lunges at the god and shoves him to the ground. His teeth sink into his arm and he refuses to let go as he’s lifted into the air and shaken brutally. Eventually, though, he’s flung away and he lands with a whimper. Hueningkai gets up and races over, tears beginning to prick his eyes. 

“Taehyun, Taehyun!” he yells frantically as he shakes the wolf. Taehyun’s eyes are closed and his only response is a weak twitch. Hueningkai curses as he holds his hand up to make some sort of shield around them. 

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” he says under his breath as he presses his hands against Taehyun’s side. He senses a few broken ribs and a bruised lung. Taehyun’s breathing is growing frantic, a sure sign of something bad. 

“Come on, come on,” Hueningkai begs to no one in particular. He presses his hands against the wolf’s side and tries to imagine everything coming into place as best as he can. 

However, his focus is broken as a soldier breaks through his shoulder. Hueningkai screams as a bloody corpse falls beside him, nearly crushing Taehyun if not for Hueningkai grabbing him. He tugs the wolf to his chest (gods, he’s heavy) and stares fearfully at the body. Taehyun releases another pain whimper and then he remembers what he wanted to do as he shuts his eyes and places his hands on Taehyun’s sides. He forces himsel to imagine all of Taehyun’s ribs mending themselves while his lung heals. 

“Please, please, please,” he whispers. He sinks his teeth into his lower lip and it’s too much for the skin. It breaks and the taste of blood fills his mouth. 

Taehyun’s eyes pry themselves open and Hueningkai is startled by the feeling of something cold and wet against his chin. He looks down to see Taehyun nosing at him, his tail wagging a bit. Hueningkai sighs, relieved, but it only lasts a second as an enemy soldier hurtles in their direction. Taehyun twists around and gets ready to attack but Yeonjun comes out of nowhere as he swings his sword. He’s on horseback and he turns to the side to grab Hueningkai and tug him on. 

“Come on!” he yells at Taehyun, gesturing at him to follow. The wolf gets up and shakes before he bounds after them. 

A huge burst of energy shoves them back when they get near Hoseok and Aristok, though. Yeonjun’s horse whinnies and he grabs the reins to keep it from bucking them off. Hueningkai clings to the older male and shuts his eyes, using his arm to shield his face. 

When the light disappears, the battle rages on, but there’s a bubble around Aristok and Hoseok. Hueningkai watches fearfully as his boyfriend spins his sword around, his shield coming up to block any hits. He’s bleeding from a long, ugly gash on his thigh and his eyes are narrowed with a nick under his eye. His fangs are long and sharp while his sclerae are pitch black. Hueningkai feels his stomach churn as he’s forced to turn away and try to keep anyone from distracting Hoseok. 

By the time Hoseok sinks his sword into Aristok’s gut, the rest of the battlefield has fallen silent as they watch the two beings fight. Hueningkai’s gut twists as Aristok falls to his knees, clutching his side. He begins to say something but the force field around them blocks all sound. Hueningkai supposes that it’s a good thing, but he still wishes he could find some way to help Hoseok. He hates standing to the side like this. 

Hoseok’s confidence seems to waver as he stares at his father. He gets a bit of a glassy look in his eyes for a few moments before his grip around the hilt of his sword tightens. 

And then, he lifts his blade with both of his hands wrapped around the hilt before cutting his father’s head off. 

There is a very sudden and very bright light that flashes through the battlefield. It rivals that of the sun and Hueningkai covers his eyes to keep from being blinded by it. A crown of dragon horns floats over the emperor’s decapitated body and Hoseok reaches out to grab it. He turns around and Hueningkai does with him, his eyes widening when they land on Soobin. The Alpha’s helmet is held under his left arm while he holds his sword with his right hand. He falls to his knees and bows his head as Hoseok walks over, the air crackling with magic. 

When Hoseok places the crown on Soobin’s bowed head, another flash bursts through. After it disappears (though Hueningkai can still see spots clouding his vision, though that might also have to do with how physically exhausted he is), a new golden crown rests on Soobin’s head. 

“ **Rise,** ” Hoseok says, though his voice is mixed with Adonis’s. Soobin gets to his feet and looks his head around, his eyes scanning over the crowd. And then, Yeonjun is bowing. Hueningkai follows his example along with the rest of the people around them. 

“ **People of Ifan,** ” Hoseok booms as he now hovers over Soobin, “ **I present to you your new emperor, Choi Soobin!** ”

The applause is deafening to say the least. Yeonjun, just as with the bowing, is the one who begins it. And then, he runs toward Soobin while whooping and laughing. They embrace tearfully and it’s at that moment Hueningkai notices the bandage pressed to Yeonjun’s side. It’s red with his blood, but he seems to be totally unaware of the injury. 

Seokjin waves his hand and Hueningkai watches as Namjoon’s cloak and sword appear in his hands. He sets them down when he gets closer to Soobin and Yeonjun, then he embraces the emperor with a sob. There’s a whoosh from beside him and Hueningkai looks over at a crying Hoseok. The older pulls Hueningkai into a hug and the boy releases a loud sob. 

_ We did it, Joonie-Hyung, _ he thinks.  _ We did it.  _

The next few months are spent repairing the empire. Soobin is quick to take control of it and he’s good at it. He relies on the counsel and guidance of others, of course, but he takes the lead in many if not all decisions. His coronation and, later, his wedding are all quite grand and Hueningkai is proud to be a part of the new empire. 

Of course, Soobin isn’t the only one who’s busy. When Seokjin comes to him with the idea of a school, Hueningkai is quick to agree. He doesn’t want any other children to struggle with their magic like he did. 

He also meets up with his sisters face-to-face for the first time in years. It hurts but it’s also euphoric to hug them again. Lea is just barely shorter than him while he still has a few good centimeters on Bahiyih. 

However, telling them about Namjoon is nothing if not painful. Together, they all go to the cliff where a small memorial was made for him. It’s in the same place where his mother was buried and they all pay their respects. Hueningkai feels the scar from his Hyung’s death pulse as he cries even more tears for Namjoon, though he doubts that Namjoon would ever scold him for it. He just misses him oh-so terribly. 

There are good things, though. The good actually outweighs the bad and it’s amazing. Hueningkai finds it to be some sort of miracle that everything’s worked out. He teaches in the school, though first he has to actually go to school to learn how to properly teach children. But, to be honest, he enjoys it. Beomgyu goes with him, as do Yoongi and Jimin. Taehyung comes in later and Seokjin begins to establish the place, working on finding a building and hiring more people. 

And life is good. It’s amazing, really, because Hueningkai is with all of the people he loves and they’re all so happy and everything is going oh-so-wonderfully well. 

(However, Yeonjun’s and Soobin’s daughter’s death comes exactly thirty-two days after her birth and leaves them with a single son, Minjun. No one quite knows why, but it makes Hueningkai’s stomach churn. Yeonjun locks himself in his chambers for days and refuses to come out. Minjun is never not with him after that.)

(Seokjin also disappears. They spend time looking for him, yet nothing seems to surface. However, the two dragons that begin to frequent the Ifanian skies leave Hueningkai with a sense of comfort. He’s happy for them. Really, they deserve a happy ending. Especially after all that’s happened.)

[ _ eight (에있) - Orchestral Cover _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDWtiqNFXGM)

Two years later, long after the war has been fought, Hueningkai finds himself standing nervously at the altar. He adjusts his shirt for the millionth time and chews on his lower lip, watching nervously as the aisle remains empty. 

When Sarang and Byeol come out, Sarang as the flower girl and Byeol as the ring bearer, Hueningkai sucks a breath in and feels his chest puff. Soobin nudges him to try and get him to calm down and it takes all of Hueningkai’s self-control to keep from bursting. 

And then, Hoseok is coming out of the tent. 

The air is sucked from his lungs as Hueningkai sees his lover. Hoseok is holding a bouquet of butterfly bushes and other assorted flowers, but Hueningkai can’t focus on anything other than the angel walking toward him. Hoseok’s facial features are distinguishable from under the veil, but his hands still itch to take it off and kiss him until they’re both gasping for air. 

“Hey,” he whispers, breathless as he pulls the veil from Hoseok’s face. The older’s eyes widen and his lips part in surprise. Hueningkai feels his heart pound harshly against his chest as he tries to control himself. Just a few more hours and they’re out. 

“I really want to kiss you,” Hoseok says. Hueningkai can’t stop the laughter that bubbles up and out of him. He reaches out to push a curl away from Hoseok’s face. 

“Me too,” he breathes. 

The moment is ruined when Taehyun and Beomgyu hit the couple at the same time. 

“Okay, okay,” Hoseok says, laughing, “I guess we’ll say our vows.” 

Their vows are nearly identical to Soobin’s and Yeonjun’s. Probably because they’re traditional and Hueningkai nor Hoseok felt like writing their own (sue them for using something that’s been used countless times before.). It doesn’t take away from the wedding, though, and Hueningkai still feels marvelous as they run down the aisle together, their laughter filling up the outside courtyard. 

How glorious life is, yes?

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you like it. lol, I know it's shorter than anything else but idk what else to do


End file.
